There have been reports, lately, from researchers who have been studying happiness, that people are happier as they get older. This development is consistent with my experience. It is good news. Something is happening, according to those who study happiness over the life-span, that makes people much more pleased to be alive as they get older. Why?
Oh, not for the reasons that are commonly thought, but because aging sometimes brings with it the chance to actualize a life-long project — that is, to become your self, to take possession of what makes you unique. This thrilling development comes with longevity, and makes aging, coming to ourselves, something, unique and potentially powerful.
Why does this matter; to me, to any old person, to our culture? It is too simple to say this matters because, as far as we know, it has never happened before. This is a first time in the history of our species! And that means that we have no idea about what this development means. This whole thing, happiness included, is up in the air. Knowing that, and getting older at this time, has drawn my attention. It has also motivated me. I’m part of, like it or not, the baby boom generation. It isn’t in my blood to sit around and have someone define for me the meaning of this gift of longer life.
There are plenty of reasons why happiness might grow in this stage of life. On the opposite end of the spectrum from that dirty word “retirement,” lies an opportunity for a new, more self-defined, life, a chance to re-create your self. Theory has it that old people are used up, finished, too tired, to have much of a life. As recently as our father’s generation people had the good sense to die shortly after retirement. That isn’t the case much anymore. And, that change, people living longer, has just now come on the scene. In 1970 a person reaching the age of 65 had only a 14% chance of reaching 85. Now almost half of us who reach 65 can expect to live, healthily, to 85 and beyond. We have almost 20 additional years no one has had, or been able to, look forward to before.
Happiness grows with age. That makes sense. Rules, roles, cultural assumptions, family expectations all have diminishing impact. But, happiness can be surprising too. Work no longer provides a structure of meaning. This is a loss, it can be confusing and disorienting, out of mastery comes the Mystery of emptiness. The tides change. People experience the bitter, but enlightening, gall of diminishment. With aging comes loss. How then can this be one of the happiest times of life?
It is, precisely because of the losses that we are dealt. Diminishment, becoming less of who we were, leads to enlargement, becoming more of who we want to be. How can this be? There is a reversal here that is totally unexpected. The pain of loss; the losing of wealth, health, prestige, comfort, abilities, friends, loved ones, family members, adds up, and increases appreciation for the gift of life. As life is pared away, the truly old dies off leaving what is essential, a being cleansed of superficialities. One, happily, gets to choose again. The extra years, can mean for many, a new and more satisfying life.
Happiness researchers explain the uptick in satisfaction in old age by extolling the virtues of greater health, longer lives, increased selectivity about time usage, the easing of responsibilities, and deepening relationships. I see it slightly differently. For me, increasing age means the possibility of increased self-possession. External factors do change, as the researchers notice and report, but internal factors change too. To my way of thinking, these internal factors go a lot further to explain happiness than the external changes.
Responsibilities change. There is increased selectivity, a better use of time, not because of getting older, but because getting older means becoming more my self. I have new responsibilities that mean more to me than the old responsibilities. I use my limited time more carefully. I am more selective because I have more choices than I once did. I am, as an aspect of getting older, more at home in my own skin. This is the real source of my increasing happiness.
Obviously that means a lot to me. I’ve worked hard to become, and hold onto, my self. I think that what is happening for me, is possible for everyone else. I’ve seen it, in my self and others, aging can mean being free to be one’s self. What a surprising turn of events! This seems like a watershed moment when society, culture, anyone could age into a greater maturity. I don’t know about you, but for me aging is suddenly something I don’t want to miss, and that makes me happy.
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